SORRRRRYYY

So I have had a lot happen since the last time I posted. I have approximately lost a total of 7 lbs since starting this blog. Though I wish it was more seeing that my intake is decreasing and my outtake is increasing I am happy that I am not gaining weight. Today I got a JOB!!! YAYY Unfortunately it is as Starbucks =/... so much temptation BUT I will not give in. I feel like I am doing a good job, honestly I do. I just also feel like I could be doing more in the area of working out and eating more salads. I decided at the beginning that I would form my diet around what I know I like and already eat. Obviously not the gross bad stuff like french fries, pizza, cheeseburgers, fast food, lasagna, pasta (only eating it when I have a lot of vegetables) and all the other fatty stuff that I have been eating in the past. I have put myself in the line of temptation only to show myself that I can forgo getting little snacks at Walgreen's or the gas station. I really have set a goal of 35-40 pounds by my college graduation (which is May 15, 2011) exactly 118 days to complete my goal...I think I can do it.

I've told my mom that I wish I could fast forward to May 15th and just see what I will look like. I want to see results but I know I need to put in 111% to get those results. BLAH the anticipation is killing me.

FOOD:
- 3/4 of a cup of egg whites
- 2 slices of Whole wheat bread
- 2 slices of white American cheese
- 3 slices of smoked turkey breast
- 2 whole grain rice cakes
- 3 cups of diet soda

WORKOUT:
Sunday and Monday SKIP =(

GOING TO THE GYM TOMORROW FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS:
Planned Workout:
- 20 minutes high intensity elliptical
- 30 minutes high intensity stationary bike
- 5 reps of 20 regular crunches
- 5 reps of 20 modified dip planks
- 5 reps of 20 10lb. weight side to sides
- 5 reps of 20 quadriceps
- 5 reps of 20 hamstring
- 5 reps of 20 internal thigh
- 5 reps of 20 external thigh

I love me some chicken fingers...here is a healthy NEW way to make them

http://www.bodyrock.tv/2010/11/21/chicken-fingers/

Day 3 THE WORKING OUT BEGINS

So today I started working out on top of my dieting and honestly they are sooooooooo right...the workout endorphins are insaneeee I love feeling like I can do anything. I went with my best friend Lizzie and of course she is beautiful and in shape, but she is a complete motivation. Now it kinda sucks to be the fat girl with the hottie BUT that is why I'm doing this to be that hottie and get ride of that fat girl image. I honestly can not tell you have AMAZING I feel right now. Down side is that I don't have a job therefor I can not afford to buy my own gym membership. My dad just lost his job so my parents cant afford to pay the almost 30 dollar a month fee SUCKSSSSS. My sister of course has a job and can afford to belong to a gym BUT of course my sister doesn't really need to lose weight cause she is about 5'3" 105 =( (I know how ridiculous).

FOOD:

-Breakfast:
1 packet of Apple and Cinnamon Oatmeal

-Lunch:
1 medium salad
:Carrots
:Lettuce
:2 tbsp of Light Italian Dressing
1 glass = 2 cups of water

-Dinner:
1 piece of breaded chicken
4 cups of pasta w/ marinara and basil sauce (BLAH too much but good amount for going to the gym)


WORKOUT:
20 minutes Elliptical -burned 170 calories
- miles= 1.5
30 minutes Stationary Bike - burned 203 calories
- miles= 6.8
5 reps of 20 regular crunches
5 reps of 20 modified planks
7 reps of 20 10 lbs. side to side crunches

AND NOW I AM TIRED, GOING TO SHOWER THEN B-B-B-E-E-E-D-D-D

230

As I sit here eating my salad I find myself thinking of what my life will be like this day next year. I wonder if I will be thinking back to today and be happy that I mustered up enough courage to embark on this life changing experience and finally did it. I'm happy with myself because I feel happy with myself on the level of realizing that this is the time.

I went to the mall today with my best friend Kelsey. She is 140lbs and works in the fashion industry in NYC. I think she is beautiful but she never thinks so. I realized today for the first time that it isn't just women and men who are over weight that don't feel good about themselves. Now I know I have watched TV and seen interviews online with celebrities talking about how they have issues with their bodies even though by most of societies standards that fit way below the average mark. I never REALLY believed what these celebrities said because they embarked on a career choice that made them public figures. They choose to be in the spotlight, be in movies, go to award shows and be household names. They choose to be looked at as their job. Now a days all we hear about are the celebrities, singers, actresses and actors, who looked like the mass population of the world (slightly plumb or FAT in the public eye) losing weight on Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers or Nutrasystem or whatever. They are becoming less like me and more like the people who make fun of me. =(

I don't know how I feel about what I ate today...
I didn't eat a lot and it bugs me because not eating a lot also means I didn't reach my minimum fruits and vegetable requirements. I realized yesterday that I eat a shit-load of CARBS, like seriously a lotttt of carbs. Both good carbs and bad carbs, but still a lot of carbs.

TODAY:
food-
-1 slice of Country Oat Bran Bread
-2 slices of sliced Turkey Breast Meat
-1.5 slices of White American Cheese
-4 pieces of Italian style baked pizza dough
-1 teaspoon of virgin olive oil
-1 teaspoon of shredded Parmesan cheese
-2.5 cups of Penna pasta
-1 cup of pasta sauce
-1/2 of 1 breaded lean chicken breast
-1 cup of mozzarella cheese
-lettuce
-carrots
-1 tbsp of light Italian dressing

ta-da

My food intake today!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha

235

I am two hundred and thirty-five pounds. I have more weight on my body then money in my bank account.

I am at the beginning of my journey and I have mixed emotions about this challenge. My emotions don't come from a place of not wanting to put in the effort but comes from my fear of failing. I have never felt mentally fat, over-weight or obese. I would like to think that inside myself is a confident, fearless, driven, strong, outgoing, sexy woman. I would also like to think that she has only been hiding inside because she is way to FABULOUS for the world to understand. I have only even come face to face with these words when they were directed at me to hurt me in various arguments with people who aren't even worth wasting space in the post on. I have been hurt by those words because I know I am a good person and that was the only target able part of me. But I am tired of those words and tired of them being used and directed towards me. I am tired of being a fat girl amongst my friends, at the party, bar, club, on the dance floor or be the fat girl at the butt of everybody's jokes. I have mixed emotions because I have excitement and fear coming head to head in my brain. I'm excited because this time it feels different, I feel like I have my brain and my heart in this 100%, but I fear that temptation or laziness will win out and another birthday will pass without me being able to wear the outfit I want to or kiss the boy I want to or feel comfortable at the place I am at.

I arrived on the blog 266 and instantly knew that I was not alone in this challenge of overcoming and surpassing this block being overweight has on the individual. I want and need so badly to get myself over this wall and off this sinking ship of 235 and get to this island of 135. How badly I want this will only be evident in the work I write about and put forth in the days, weeks, months and possibly but hopefully not years to come. I know I am strong, I know I am a force to be reckoned with and I know that 235 will not be a number that beats me because this is my race, my battle and my fight that I WILL WIN!!