ahhhhh its wednesday...hump day

So I've been reading other peoples blogs here and there and I have really learned that talking or in this sense typing really helps one deal with the everyday stresses of this journey and the hick ups everyone has every now and again. I have been trying not to be deterred by the stagnant weight loss I've experienced over the last couple of weeks because I have to keep reminding myself that the weight will keep start to come off when I really decide to buckle down...because girl you haven't been buckling down and that's why your weight stays at 225.

Today I worked alllllll day, from 10 am till 5:30 I was at Starbucks surrounded by paisteries and goodies (or baddies) treats (or troubles) and felt myself with every hour that went by getting more and more hungry =/...
I had a chocolate chunk cookie (450 calories) and a Roasted Tomato Mozzerella Sandwich (380 calories) and a tall Iced Coffee with non-fat milk and 6 sweet and low (60 calories). So as of 6:47 pm on March 30th 2011 I have consumed about 890 calories....that leaves me about 310 calories left for the day BLAHHH I guess I can look forward to dinner NOTTTT.


I'm going to the gym in about a half hour or so and am pretty excited. I've been doing the ellicipital  (spl?) and this really cool ab machine that helps you do crunches but doesn't require you to lie down or strain your neck. I have off from work tomorrow so there should be little temptation in the food department tomorrow since I'll be home and can sleep most of the day. (SPEAKING OF SLEEPING: [This is a side note] So you know how a lot of people gain weight in the wintertime where outdoor activities, depending on where you live or your finiacial situation is a little bit inaccesable. Well wouldn't it be amazing if people could be like bears and just hybernate. All of our fat would be used up to keep us alive and all of the unnecessary, unwanted fat would be used up and gone by the time Spring rolled around...I think this would be an amazing thing....not that I want an easy way out of being fat or anything) HAHA

ok its gym time and I must go before I fall asleep as I type these words.

before

ok so this isn't what i look like now but this was taken at the last event i went to where i needed to buy an outfit...I felt at the time like a million bucks but now looking back at this picture taken December 12, 2010 I feel even more of a drive to complete this mission of losing 100lbs
TODAY I was invited to go to Ocean City, MD in July for a week with my old roommate from school. She looks like this:

Like her body is SICK...so I really feel that though my initial goal was 35lb by May 15 I want to lose about 60 lb by July 23...so as of right now that goal would put me at at weight of 175lb AHHHHHHHHHHHH that would be amazing....if only saying it and doing it would equally as easy. BLAHHH come on devyn you graduated college and you thought that would be the hardest thing to do NOW you just have to lose weight...first order of business is working out everyday, eating under 1200 cals or less (and eating worth while food), not eating out as much as i do, and WRITING IN THIS BLOG EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!!!


Today I ate:

-1 slice of ziti covered pizza =/
- 2 100cal bags of popcore =/
-1 thing of chocolate pudding
- 2 servings of pretzels
-4 glasses of diet coke
- 1 turkey and white american cheese sandwich

Today I worked out:

-20 hardcore minutes on the ellicipital (burned about 205 cals)
-100 crunches
- 30 bicept currls
-40 outward leg pushes (not correct terms are being used)

Have a great night everyone. And I'll be back tomorrowwwwww =)

Somehow MAY 15th seems right around the corner...=/

so my D-day is May 15th 2011...the day I walk in my college graduation. I recieved a few days ago my cap and gown and yes I know that they all look like big ugly moo-moo's but I just feel like I look gross in it. I've lost about 15lbs so far and have exactly 2 more months to lose about 20 more pounds. I really hope I can loss this weight in time for my gradutation because May 15th also signalizes the beginning of summer. I JUST NEED TO FUCKIN BUCKLE DOWN AND GET THIS SHIT ON THE ROAD...WORKING OUT AND EATING CORRECTLY ARE MY PRIORITIES (as well as going to work and making money). I can do this, I've already lost 15LBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the almost 15 lbs mark

so, things have been very hard these last few days/weeks. I have been tempted and have splurged on my diet a couple of times. I started work not this past Friday but the Friday before and with work on top of having jury duty and being on a court case I have been sooooooooooo tired I haven't gone to the gym on a consistent basis. =(

this week I WILL GO TO THE GYM EVERYDAY =)

wish me luck

and...

BTW sorry for being absent for so long I have been extremely over whelmed with life ha ha

SORRRRRYYY

So I have had a lot happen since the last time I posted. I have approximately lost a total of 7 lbs since starting this blog. Though I wish it was more seeing that my intake is decreasing and my outtake is increasing I am happy that I am not gaining weight. Today I got a JOB!!! YAYY Unfortunately it is as Starbucks =/... so much temptation BUT I will not give in. I feel like I am doing a good job, honestly I do. I just also feel like I could be doing more in the area of working out and eating more salads. I decided at the beginning that I would form my diet around what I know I like and already eat. Obviously not the gross bad stuff like french fries, pizza, cheeseburgers, fast food, lasagna, pasta (only eating it when I have a lot of vegetables) and all the other fatty stuff that I have been eating in the past. I have put myself in the line of temptation only to show myself that I can forgo getting little snacks at Walgreen's or the gas station. I really have set a goal of 35-40 pounds by my college graduation (which is May 15, 2011) exactly 118 days to complete my goal...I think I can do it.

I've told my mom that I wish I could fast forward to May 15th and just see what I will look like. I want to see results but I know I need to put in 111% to get those results. BLAH the anticipation is killing me.

FOOD:
- 3/4 of a cup of egg whites
- 2 slices of Whole wheat bread
- 2 slices of white American cheese
- 3 slices of smoked turkey breast
- 2 whole grain rice cakes
- 3 cups of diet soda

WORKOUT:
Sunday and Monday SKIP =(

GOING TO THE GYM TOMORROW FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS:
Planned Workout:
- 20 minutes high intensity elliptical
- 30 minutes high intensity stationary bike
- 5 reps of 20 regular crunches
- 5 reps of 20 modified dip planks
- 5 reps of 20 10lb. weight side to sides
- 5 reps of 20 quadriceps
- 5 reps of 20 hamstring
- 5 reps of 20 internal thigh
- 5 reps of 20 external thigh

I love me some chicken fingers...here is a healthy NEW way to make them

http://www.bodyrock.tv/2010/11/21/chicken-fingers/

Day 3 THE WORKING OUT BEGINS

So today I started working out on top of my dieting and honestly they are sooooooooo right...the workout endorphins are insaneeee I love feeling like I can do anything. I went with my best friend Lizzie and of course she is beautiful and in shape, but she is a complete motivation. Now it kinda sucks to be the fat girl with the hottie BUT that is why I'm doing this to be that hottie and get ride of that fat girl image. I honestly can not tell you have AMAZING I feel right now. Down side is that I don't have a job therefor I can not afford to buy my own gym membership. My dad just lost his job so my parents cant afford to pay the almost 30 dollar a month fee SUCKSSSSS. My sister of course has a job and can afford to belong to a gym BUT of course my sister doesn't really need to lose weight cause she is about 5'3" 105 =( (I know how ridiculous).

FOOD:

-Breakfast:
1 packet of Apple and Cinnamon Oatmeal

-Lunch:
1 medium salad
:Carrots
:Lettuce
:2 tbsp of Light Italian Dressing
1 glass = 2 cups of water

-Dinner:
1 piece of breaded chicken
4 cups of pasta w/ marinara and basil sauce (BLAH too much but good amount for going to the gym)


WORKOUT:
20 minutes Elliptical -burned 170 calories
- miles= 1.5
30 minutes Stationary Bike - burned 203 calories
- miles= 6.8
5 reps of 20 regular crunches
5 reps of 20 modified planks
7 reps of 20 10 lbs. side to side crunches

AND NOW I AM TIRED, GOING TO SHOWER THEN B-B-B-E-E-E-D-D-D

230

As I sit here eating my salad I find myself thinking of what my life will be like this day next year. I wonder if I will be thinking back to today and be happy that I mustered up enough courage to embark on this life changing experience and finally did it. I'm happy with myself because I feel happy with myself on the level of realizing that this is the time.

I went to the mall today with my best friend Kelsey. She is 140lbs and works in the fashion industry in NYC. I think she is beautiful but she never thinks so. I realized today for the first time that it isn't just women and men who are over weight that don't feel good about themselves. Now I know I have watched TV and seen interviews online with celebrities talking about how they have issues with their bodies even though by most of societies standards that fit way below the average mark. I never REALLY believed what these celebrities said because they embarked on a career choice that made them public figures. They choose to be in the spotlight, be in movies, go to award shows and be household names. They choose to be looked at as their job. Now a days all we hear about are the celebrities, singers, actresses and actors, who looked like the mass population of the world (slightly plumb or FAT in the public eye) losing weight on Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers or Nutrasystem or whatever. They are becoming less like me and more like the people who make fun of me. =(

I don't know how I feel about what I ate today...
I didn't eat a lot and it bugs me because not eating a lot also means I didn't reach my minimum fruits and vegetable requirements. I realized yesterday that I eat a shit-load of CARBS, like seriously a lotttt of carbs. Both good carbs and bad carbs, but still a lot of carbs.

TODAY:
food-
-1 slice of Country Oat Bran Bread
-2 slices of sliced Turkey Breast Meat
-1.5 slices of White American Cheese
-4 pieces of Italian style baked pizza dough
-1 teaspoon of virgin olive oil
-1 teaspoon of shredded Parmesan cheese
-2.5 cups of Penna pasta
-1 cup of pasta sauce
-1/2 of 1 breaded lean chicken breast
-1 cup of mozzarella cheese
-lettuce
-carrots
-1 tbsp of light Italian dressing

ta-da

My food intake today!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha

235

I am two hundred and thirty-five pounds. I have more weight on my body then money in my bank account.

I am at the beginning of my journey and I have mixed emotions about this challenge. My emotions don't come from a place of not wanting to put in the effort but comes from my fear of failing. I have never felt mentally fat, over-weight or obese. I would like to think that inside myself is a confident, fearless, driven, strong, outgoing, sexy woman. I would also like to think that she has only been hiding inside because she is way to FABULOUS for the world to understand. I have only even come face to face with these words when they were directed at me to hurt me in various arguments with people who aren't even worth wasting space in the post on. I have been hurt by those words because I know I am a good person and that was the only target able part of me. But I am tired of those words and tired of them being used and directed towards me. I am tired of being a fat girl amongst my friends, at the party, bar, club, on the dance floor or be the fat girl at the butt of everybody's jokes. I have mixed emotions because I have excitement and fear coming head to head in my brain. I'm excited because this time it feels different, I feel like I have my brain and my heart in this 100%, but I fear that temptation or laziness will win out and another birthday will pass without me being able to wear the outfit I want to or kiss the boy I want to or feel comfortable at the place I am at.

I arrived on the blog 266 and instantly knew that I was not alone in this challenge of overcoming and surpassing this block being overweight has on the individual. I want and need so badly to get myself over this wall and off this sinking ship of 235 and get to this island of 135. How badly I want this will only be evident in the work I write about and put forth in the days, weeks, months and possibly but hopefully not years to come. I know I am strong, I know I am a force to be reckoned with and I know that 235 will not be a number that beats me because this is my race, my battle and my fight that I WILL WIN!!